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Sample from the Text:

What Now? - Page 32

She reached for her fur coat
With an eye on the door
"Oh, Norah, Are you going out?"
I quietly asked.

"I am going to the bank,"
she said
In a decisive tone of voice.
"But it's nine o'clock in the evening,
And the banks are closed at night."
(Continued below)

"You're just trying to put me off," she rejoined,
With a cool look in her eye.
"What happens now?"
I said to myself.

I changed my course and softly answered
"I'll go with you, Dear."
I put on my coat and down we went
Together, as couples should,
To enjoy our life in peace.

The bank had vanished from her mind
As we walked along the street
The air was cold
And Norah's pace was slow
"Are you cold, Dear, and tired?"

She nodded with a quiet look
I took her hand in mine
As we turned to go back home.
"It's been a fine walk,"
I whispered in her ear.

She was content and happy to go back.
But all was changed
When we arrived at the door
of our apartment block.

"What do we want here?"
she asked with troubled voice.
"This is where we live," I tried to explain
But it meant nothing to her.

She hesitated, but came with me
"This is not my home,"
she objected.
"We'll take the elevator up
And then we'll be at home."

Norah was confused as I opened the door,
"What do we want here?"
she asked.
"I don't want to stay here
This is not my home."

What could I say to her?
I had no answer
I felt so helpless and so weak
As I looked at her...and she looked away.
Whatever shall we do?

"Let me help you with your coat,
We have to stay here now."
"No!"
she said, "This is not my home."
And she kept on her coat and boots.

"Sit down here while I make some tea."
She looked at the Globe and Mail
While in the kitchen I made her tea.
Then we sat together, drinking tea
as we warmed our hearts in peace.

"It's time to go to bed,"
I suggested quietly.
Her fur coat and her boots stayed on
As unwillingly she laid down to rest
And I went to sleep in a separate room.

In the middle of the night
I woke up and looked around the house
Norah was sound asleep on the living room floor.
I covered her with a blanket
And left her to sleep till morn.

LORD, HELP ME TO CARE FOR NORAH
SHE SUFFERS MORE THAN I

After being out for 20 minutes Norah did not recognize her apartment block nor the suite in which she lived. (A true experience.) We need to be very aware of what is happening to the Alzheimer person.

In this poem, we see Norah struggling with her Alzheimer condition. She is like a drowning person who is clutching at anything she can reach, to try and keep from going under.

Above all, she wants to retain her individuality as a responsible person. She states that she is going out, on business, "to the bank". She always did these things before without asking anyone. Was she capable of going to the bank alone, now? She didn't really know. Probably it was a dare to me to see if I would stop her, and an attempt to maintain her self-respect.

When I said I was coming with her she had me acquiescing to her will, and it disarmed her. She felt relieved and her negative intention slipped away. We walked out peacefully with a spirit of closeness between us. Once outside the cold air and her weak physical condition soon brought back the realities of life to her. After 15 minutes she was glad to go back. On our return she was faced with more of her mental weaknesses.

When we arrived at Kiwanis Chateau she did not recognize it as her home, nor our apartment when we entered it. It's a shock of unbelief when you can't recognize your home after being out of it for 20 minutes. It would shake me right to my innermost being, if it were me. She faced it with unbelief. How could this happen to her? We moved into Kiwanis in December, 1988, as soon as the construction was finished. Because it was a Life-Lease venture the applicants for apartments had a considerable say in its planning. Norah had gone to many meetings involved with this process (without me). I let her go alone so that she would feel it was her decision to move into the place. The incident in "What Now?" occurred about two or three years after we moved in. Perhaps it had not fully settled into her memory, or maybe her memory was already receding into the past.

It is a fearful experience to think of this happening to a person.

Fortunately, at this time, I already was thoughtful enough to treat Norah with the loving kindness she deserved. I let her go to bed with her fur coat on, and her boots. It didn't really matter. I tried to calm her down and avoided any negative expressions. I didn't think clearly at that time, but I realize now what a sad trauma Norah was experiencing at the time.

My purpose in writing the above is to help you think through the problems you face in caring for the person in your hands and try to gain an insight into the affliction she (or he) is suffering. Probably your case is very different from mine, and I had a great variety of experiences, but the principles we use will be similar. This whole incident passed without any argument between us, which is the ideal way to care for an Alzheimer person.

Was I just letting Norah have her way, or spoiling her? No! The more I treated her like this, the more she came to depend on me, and the easier it was for me to care for her.

I was caring for her with a smile and with kindness, at a time when she greatly needed both. It works with a suffering person. We need the insight to realize how an Alzheimer person is suffering.

NOTES

Questions:

1. For the sake of repetition, what are the principles for working with an Alzheimer person?

2. When the person I am caring for becomes difficult, what questions should I ponder before I continue?

Answers:
1. a. Distance yourself from the person so your emotions are not involved.
b. Avoid negative talk or action.
c. Offer to help her.
d. Does it really matter?
e. She cannot change, only I can change.

2. a. Does he understand my words?
b. Was I telling him what to do, being negative?
c. Do I realize he is suffering, but trying to maintain his self-respect?
d. Did I forget to put a twinkle into my smile?

Even if you only remember a few of these answers you will find that it already makes a difference.